how to be a good customer

my lovely friend recently posted this comic. now, i can't say that i've heard it 1000 times, but the job i have now is the first one (of 5) where a "price check" was a real thing. it's hard to call someone to do that when you are the only one there. so, in my 10 months there, i've probably only heard it a couple hundred times. and it is annoying, but it's far from the worst thing people do to me. so for those of you who have not worked in retail, or may have forgotten about it, here are some tips.

if you have children, please keep them with you in the store. no matter how well behaved you think they are, they probably aren't. so it's best that you be there when they mess up stuff to fix it. and if you are there, at least try to fix it. even if you get it a little wrong, making the effort (especially when it's not obvious you're only doing it because you know we can see you) will make us less likely to hate you. oh, and if your child is a major screamer/tantrum thrower, please just leave them at home or something.

if you decide while waiting in the check-out line that there is an item that you have with you but you don't want to buy it after all, give it to the cashier. yes, it means we will have to put it back where you got it from. we would still have to do that if you just dump it in the candy display, only then we have to find it first. this also applies to leaving it on a shelf somewhere. if you really feel you must dump it, don't try to hide it behind things, leave it where we will see it faster and get it put back. if it's a grocery situation, absolutely never leave cold stuff in a non-cold place. if you really don't need that rump roast but you just can't make it back to the meat department, at least leave it in dairy or something. even in with tv dinners and frozen pizza beats plopping it on top of the canned corn to spoil.

speaking of price checks, if i have a scanning device, and your item doesn't have a barcode, i really do need a price check. telling me what it cost will do me no good. if it would, i would have asked. i need a BARCODE. i very well may already know the price, but with nothing to scan i can't do anything about it. if i am not already in a slightly crappy mood because of some other customer, you get to say it once. if after i say, "yeah, but i need a barcode to scan" you still tell me what the price is, i should by all rights be able to kill or at the very least maim you. and yes, there are really people who will tell you repeatedly what the price is, even after you've explained about the barcode thing.

always remember that the poor kid at the register did not write the return policy, or the check policy, or any other policy. chances are whoever did doesn't work at that store, maybe even not in the same state. also, it is always in poor taste to try to guilt them into violating said policy because you don't like it. no matter how sad an existence it may be, this is their livelihood. i'm not losing my job, or even making my bosses think i can't remember how to do my job right, for a friend, so i'm sure not doing it for someone i don't know. moreover, i don't care if someone the other day did it wrong, i will only do it right. if some other cashier gave you a cash return yesterday when you should have gotten store credit, that's their problem, as the return policy is printed right on the back of your receit where you could have read it and know to get back to return things within the stated time period. chances are they were one of the idiot high school (and yes some college, too) kids my boss keeps hiring who couldn't find their own asses with both hands and a map, and they will get a nasty note from the office troll about it.

if you are in the store at closing, it is true that we will not actually kick you out, but it's common courtesy to hurry. if you're looking for something, go ahead and find it before you leave (we'd be happy to help you, since it will speed up the process) but do not continue to browse leisurely through the store as if you have all freaking day. this goes triple if you are the very last customer in the store.

lastly, if you feel you must steal from the store, take the whole thing. if you only steal part of something, the rest will typically just get thrown away. imagine how weird it is to find a half empty pack of brushes or a 5-pack of soda. besides, it makes us think you're stupid.